Divorces (With Kids)

In divorce mediations, parents have an opportunity to discuss not only the legal aspects of their divorce, but also the non-legal issues.   What are non-legal issues in divorce?  Those items that a judge is not going to spend time on – Next Case!

Non-legal issues often involve communication.  Most parents want to provide a “united front” to their children, despite their separation.  However, there often is no time to discuss these matters.  Mediation is a time when many foreseeable issues can be addressed (and should be addressed).

These issues involve just about anything related to the rearing of children.

1.  What are you (both) going to tell the children about your mediation?  Your divorce?

2.  How do you want to handle introductions of intimate partners (and potential step-parents) to the children?

3.  How do you want to handle job losses or physical moves that will impact co-parenting time and/or child support?

4.  How do you want to enable your children to talk to his or her parents, together and perhaps without others around?

5.  How do you want to teach your children to drive?  How will you “look at colleges”?  How about weddings – will you be able to sit on the same row at your child’s wedding?

6.  How will you ensure that your children don’t “play” you against one another?

7.  How will you attempt to control what extended family and friends say to your children about your divorce?

8.  How will you handle children’s birthdays (parties and presents)?

9.  How will you help your child do something for “the other parent” on Mother’s/Father’s Day, birthday, or other “gifting occasion”?

10.  How will you talk to your children about the divorce and the impending changes?


None of these issues are court room material, but they are real issues for parents in the midst of divorce.  Use mediation as a place to address your divorce in a more comprehensive, practical, and authentic fashion for the sake of your children.




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